Jan 30

Hopefulness in the midst of loss – Missing Kalkidan

Recently, the extended Intermountain family suffered a tremendous loss. One of our recent graduates, Kalkidan, passed away as result of injuries sustained in a car accident. She was on her way to Montana to visit friends that she grew close to during her time in our care. The loss of Kalkidan hit us hard. Personally, I spent many hours one-on-one with her as “walking buddies,” which mostly meant we got together to compete over a game of basketball in the gym or a spirited game of SkipBo.

Kalkidan came into our care with a lot of spiritual questions. She had been blessed by an amazing family of great faith, but like most children she was sorting through her faith and her own commitment to Jesus. If you are familiar with this blog, you might remember the post “I Don’t Like Grace.” Kalkidan was the amazingly reflective and honest young woman I was referring to in that post. (read more: http://www.intermountainministry.org/i-dont-like-grace-revisited/)

KalkidanBy the time Kalkidan left to return home to her family, she had come to accept grace. As I wrote then, “The knowledge of God’s grace and love has traveled from her head to her heart. She is much more forgiving of others and herself because she understands that we all need God’s grace. It is nothing short of a miracle that the Lord has changed her heart. I feel so much more confident about her prospect of making healthier choices as she transitions home than I did a year ago.”

Since her passing, I have had the chance to speak with her dad, Russ. I was blessed to hear how much that change in Kalkidan’s heart I was able to identify had affected her faith and the expression of the love she felt for friends, family, and God. It was hard not to cry as Russ related how Kalkidan’s whole demeanor at home had softened and how much more naturally she had come to express her faith. She had started inviting friends to church and youth group and was able to experience a sincerity and authenticity in worship that was an example not only to her peers but adults as well.

I am often challenged to express just why Intermountain needs a chaplain’s program. It’s an “elective”—meaning children and families can choose to participate or not. Children come to Intermountain’s residential program for sound clinical treatment in a developmental-relational program, not to have their child learn more about Jesus. However, when a family like the Qualls and a young lady like Kalkidan chooses to participate, God can do amazing things! God was clearly working in Kalkidan’s life prior to the time I was able to befriend and mentor her. I can’t claim to have done anything more than allow myself to be used by the Holy Spirit to continue the conversation started long before and continued after her time in our care. That, I feel, is more than enough to justify the presence of a chaplain’s program at Intermountain.

Kalkidan2God cares for each and every one of his precious children. Knowing Kalkidan has been a blessing beyond measure to those of us at Intermountain. I wanted to close with a beautiful post from Lisa Qualls’ blog that expressed better than I could why those of us that knew Kalkidan feel so blessed.

Still mourning, but hopeful—

Chaplain Chris Haughee

The following post appeared on Lisa Qualls blog, www.onethankfulmom.com. The direct link is: http://www.onethankfulmom.com/attachment-and-trauma/16581/#.VMaXXU10zIV

Our dear friend, Dan Hamer, shared these words on Facebook following Kalkidan’s memorial service. Dan is a pastor at Overlake Christian Church and an adoptive father. He heads up the work in Kenya that allows Russ to do ministry as a hydrologist. He is also Kathleeen’s husband; together they have opened their home to us many, many times, especially during the years when we were traveling to Seattle every other week for therapy with Kalkidan. Now they’re stuck with us for life.

If you didn’t get the chance to know Kalkidan you missed an amazing young girl with a smile that would light up a room and melt your heart. She also had a tender heart of gold and a larger than life personality. She was adopted by our dear friends eight years ago from an orphanage in Ethiopia having lost both of her parents to AIDS. Just last week at the age of thirteen, Kalkidan was killed in a tragic car accident.

Even though in this life she was surrounded by an incredible family and countless friends who showered her with love and encouragement, she was just beginning to figure out how to accept it. As often is the case with children who have suffered trauma, neglect, and abuse it is not easy for them to understand the unconditional love of a family or a God who loves without strings. They don’t always see themselves the way we see them, let alone how God sees them.

I know that in heaven, Kalkidan now fully understands this and I suspect that her smile is even more magical. I would venture to say that everyone who had the privilege of loving Kalkidan also learned an invaluable lesson about unconditional love. Not surprisingly, the student became the teacher and we are all better at both giving and receiving love for having loved Kalkidan.

While my family’s tears this week could have filled a bucket and over a thousand friends and family attended her memorial service, there are many like Kalkidan whose passing will mostly go unnoticed. I suspect that would have been the case had she remained in the orphanage. The world is full of Kalkidans who need the constant assurance that their life matters and that regardless of anything they do, or don’t do, that they are loved.

I am convinced that everyone needs a Kalkidan in their life to teach them this lesson. I hope you will look for one in your life. They don’t just reside in orphanages in Ethiopia. They are in every homeless shelter, prison and foster care agency. They are also in every school, church, and family. These are children who as a result of their brokenness don’t always behave the way we would prefer and whose beauty and gifts will oftentimes go unnoticed unless someone is there to walk alongside them. Don’t sit back and criticize and judge them, get off your high horse and show them the unconditional love that God has shown you.

Find a Kalkidan and you will never be the same.

  • Lisa Qualls.

 

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Jan 15

Even more FREE children’s sermons!

Free SermonsIt may seem a little early to be thinking about Easter, but from my time serving in the church, I know how quickly Lent and Easter can come upon us! I also remember what a busy time it was with all the extra planning and preparation. Well, my hope is that this gift to you might make your burden a little lighter!

You see, I am committed to making sure that your relationship with the Chaplain’s Program at Intermountain is reciprocal in nature. We value your love, prayers, and support… but we also want to be a help to you and a resource for you in ministry. To this end, I have spent the last two months planning and preparing a curriculum that you can use in your church that ties into what we’ll be doing here with the children in chapel services, and has a connection to our efforts to build a permanent chapel space on campus in 2015!

Even if your church doesn’t formally celebrate Lent, you will hopefully find these children’s sermons helpful. There is one for each Sunday in Lent (which begins February 18th with “Ash Wednesday”) following the gospel lessons from this year’s liturgical calendar. Other resources that tie into Lent and Easter from previous years are also posted on our site here under “resources.” Feel free to look around and use anything that might be helpful in your preparations for the Easter season.

This coming year will be an exciting one for the Chaplain’s Program, as we hope to fulfill the dreams of the past decade and create a permanent space for spiritual and cultural education at our Helena residential campus. You won’t want to miss out on a thing—whether its news of our chapel project or more free resources! If you haven’t already, please contact Carrie Reynolds at carrier@intermountain.org to sign up for our church email list to get these bi-monthly updates.

So, enjoy these children’s sermons and watch for even more “free goodies!” I hope they are a blessing to you, and I’d love your feedback on anything I can do to improve not only these resources, but also my efforts to bless you and your ministry in the year ahead.

Sincerely,

Chaplain Chris Haughee

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Jan 08

Sadie Mae’s Story—Healing the past and moving forward with faith and a new family!

I’m happy to be able to share my story and about how child abuse impacted me. This first part of my story is something I worked on while I was at Intermountain with the help of my therapist, Meegan. Before I tell you about my past, I want you to know some other things about me first, because I am not just a kid that has been abused. I’m a 13 year old girl from Montana. I’m in 7th grade. I enjoy many things at school especially writing because I can use my imagination. For a time, I lived at Intermountain in Helena. What I like to do for fun is go outside and hangout with my friends. My faith is important to me. My favorite color is lime green. I also enjoy being around animals.

The abuse happened by my dad when I was around three and stopped at the age of six when I was finally removed for good. It was practically almost every year that I got removed from my dad because they didn’t know if I was safe or not. Some people that I did not know picked me up from random places and ask many questions. I dealt with it, but it was hard. I was confused at the time and still am. I’m mad at the fact that I have to wonder why……. Why did he do this, other times I care about him and I’m sad.

Child abuse impacted me by leaving me with worries about if someone is going to hurt me or if they are safe enough. It impacts how I trust people around me. Also it’s hard for me to even connect to people, but it’s easy for people to connect to me. Sometimes I feel if I get close to somebody they’ll leave me and the relationship is ruined. Something that could have helped me then, is if I had somebody else with me other than my dad or if I didn’t go back several times when he continued to abuse me. What helps me now is actually telling my story several times to people and having the support of people I’m close to. While I was at Intermountain, Meegan, my therapist, was one of those people.

I cannot change what happened to me because it’s in the past and it will always affect me no matter what. But I can choose what to do with it. I can go the same route as my dad did, or I can choose the path God wants me to choose. I like being kind hearted and happy and making the right decisions for myself. I choose not to be an abuser, not to carry it on, not to continue the cycle. I want the abuse to stop. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else.

Abuse is part of my story, but not the whole story. Chaplain Chris also asked if I would share a little more… how things have changed for me since I first started sharing about who I am and what I have been through. Like I said before, my faith has been important to me as long as I can remember. I remember opening my heart to God when I was really little—like four or five years old. One thing my dad did do good at was talk to me about church. But, because of my troubles, my childhood experiences affected my faith in God. That’s because while I remember my dad saying things about church, he never wanted to go. Read the rest of this entry »

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Dec 29

We wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas 1What a joyous time of year it is on campus! After all the excitement of Parent Training and the children’s Winter Program, we were able to enjoy a wonderful Holiday Party at Our Redeemer Lutheran Church for our children, their families, and many siblings. Organized by Heather from our very talented cottage staff, and Melanie, our point person and volunteer coordinator at the church, the party was a wonderful success. The pictures in this post show the volunteers of the church and our staff busy in the kitchen at Our Redeemer’s Lutheran and a very special guest!

Who might I be talking about? Well, the second picture tells the story. One of the highlights is the appearance of Santa, masterfully portrayed by volunteer Frank Kromkowski, and the distribution of presents. We have many elves and “Santa’s helpers” to thank for making it possible to bless each child in attendance a gift. Christmas morning was special for each child on campus, as each one receives gifts under the tree and in their stockings from our very generous donors.

Among those that donate gifts are:

  • Hamilton First Presbyterian Church
  • Polson First Presbyterian Church
  • Roberts United Methodist Youth
  • United Methodist Church of Cascade
  • Billings First United Methodist Church
  • Pilgrim United Church of Christ
  • Van Orsdel United Methodist Church
  • Bozeman United Methodist Church
  • St. Paul’s United Methodist Church
  • Townsend United Methodist Church
  • Payless Shoes
  • Toys4Tots
  • Our Redeemer’s Lutheran Church
  • Many individuals who preferred not to be publically acknowledged… you know who you are!!

Merry Christmas 2The New Year brings hope for each child and family we work with… hope that with hard work, prayer, and persistence we can affect the changes needed in relationships that will help each household represented be happier and healthier. Our donors and faithful supporters make it all possible, and we hope you have had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

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Dec 18

Happy Hanukkah!

Janet TatzWhat a blessing it is to partner with Janet Tatz, our very knowledgeable and faithful Jewish Educator at Intermountain. Janet had served alongside previous chaplain, Dana Holzer, for a number of years as a volunteer mentor, and then in the last few years as part-time staff. Whenever there is a Jewish child on campus that needs instruction and mentoring in their faith, Janet goes above and beyond to make sure that the spiritual and cultural needs of that child are met.

We also get to work together on joint activities, like the observance of Hanukkah in chapel for all the children. On December 16th, both the younger group and the older children were able to learn about the holiday, eat some traditional desserts shared at Hanukkah, sing songs [see “Hanukkah Song Sheet” on resources page], and play dreidel!

Here is a little about Janet, and the holiday celebration, so you can have a little snapshot of our experience here in chapel:

Q: Janet, what is the most rewarding part of working with the Jewish children on campus at Intermountain?

A: It is very rewarding to see the Jewish students at Intermountain grow in their understanding of and appreciation for the Jewish traditions, prayers, teachings, holiday celebrations and customs.  Our Jewish faith serves as a medium or bond between the children and their parents and helps reconnect the family in a very positive way.

Janet Tatz 2Q: What can you tell us—those of us who may not know much about the holiday—about Hanukkah and the traditions we shared with the children at Intermountain?

A: Chanukah is an eight day holiday that begins on the 25th day of Kislev, on the Jewish calendar, each year.  We celebrate the victory of a small group of Jews, including the Maccabee family, who fought off the Assyrian-Greeks in a battle that lasted three years (168-165 B.C.E.), in order to retain their Jewish identity and practices.  This was the first time, in recorded history that a people stood up for their rights, and it is a cause to celebrate, even today.

When the Jews returned to their Temple, in Jerusalem, that had been trashed and defiled by the Assyrians, they could only find one small crucible of oil to light the menorah that was lit each day in the Temple.  One of the miracles of the Chanukah story is that this little bit of oil lasted eight days ~ the exact time needed to prepare, purify and bless a new batch of oil.  Accordingly, Chanukah is celebrated by lighting a nine-branched chanukiyah (candelabra).  Each night, an additional candle is lit, adding more light to the darkening days. Read the rest of this entry »

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Dec 08

Revisiting Reflections from Addie

AddieI originally introduced you all to Addie back in September of 2013. Since that time a lot has transpired. Addie’s life back at home has had its ups and downs, and she could continue to use your prayers. Here at Intermountain, I have grown in my understanding of what it takes to minister effectively to emotionally disturbed children and have faced my own parenting struggles as one of my own children has RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). I can’t imagine going through all that has transpired since Addie and I first talked without having a strong faith to provide some balance. In 2015 we’ll realize the goal of building a permanent home for the Chaplain’s Program—“Van Orsdel Commons.” I am also continuing my efforts to try and build understanding and empathy within faith communities for the struggles of emotionally disturbed children and their families.

Through all this, I am honored to be the chaplain at Intermountain’s residential campus in Helena, Montana. I feel it is of vital importance for there to be a spiritual component to the healing process of building healthier relationships. Addie spoke to this and other issues, so I thought it would be fitting to revisit her reflections on the program.

Here are some of Addie’s thoughts about her response to hearing that there was a chaplain’s program when she arrived at Intermountain:

“I was glad to know that there was a chaplain, even if I didn’t know exactly what that was. I grew up going to church, and even though at first I didn’t want to go to fellowship or chapel services, I was always glad once I got there. At home, I was used to going to church, and I would really miss it if there were no chaplain’s program.”

In regards to the best things about the chaplain’s program, Addie remarked:

“I really like you, Chris. You are fun and laid back… you make it fun and make the kids want to come. The games are a lot of fun, too. And, just a while back something ‘clicked’ for me and I saw the connection between the games we played, what you were talking about with the Bible stories, and the stuff I was working on in the cottage. You come up with cool ways to connect all that. I know you were trying to make it connect all along, but I don’t think it really clicked for me until a few months ago. Then, I could see all the hard work you were doing to make these connections for us, and it made me want to come to chapel times even more!”

I asked Addie if any particular lessons we had done stood out to her:

“Yeah. One you did pretty early on about masks… I think it was around Halloween. It was a really creative way to talk about feelings, and how we can have masks up even when we know that God takes care of us. I remember that one a lot. Also, I liked the songs and the stories and the booklets you made that we worked through talking about Psalm 23. Oh, and I really liked the Bibles you got us to use in chapel… the Action Bibles? Yeah. I know we don’t use them all the time, but I really liked when we got those out for chapel.” Read the rest of this entry »

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Nov 21

“Kingdom Business”—a message for National Adoption Sunday 2014

“Kingdom Business” by Chaplain Chris Haughee. A Sermon for Christ the King Sunday 2014 / National Adoption Sunday (11/23/14)

Today we celebrate “Christ the King” Sunday… a celebration of Christ as sovereign Lord and King over all creation. It is the last Sunday in the Christian calendar. Next week we celebrate a new year in the Christian calendar with the first Sunday in Advent. Like January 31st, New Year’s Eve, we look at what has happened in the year past and ahead to the culmination of Jesus’ Kingship—when it truly is “on earth as it is in heaven.” After all, what is a King without a Kingdom? To celebrate Christ as King without looking for, participating in, and longing for the fullness of the Kingdom… well, that doesn’t make any sense.

This Sunday is also National Adoption Sunday. 5 years ago, after our second adoption, I had the honor of speaking alongside the Governor as Montana celebrated National Adoption Month with a celebration at the capitol building, where my son was officially “readopted” and received his citizenship papers. He was welcomed into our family, and welcomed into community, through that act of adoption.

It is a beautiful coincidence that these celebrations coincide. For, I don’t think we can consider today’s texts, and the larger idea of Christ as King, without considering the roll of adoption, our relationships within community, and our calling to the most vulnerable among us. This is because relationship is at the heart of who God is.

Scripture reveals God—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—at work in creating the heavens and the earth, all of which was designed to be in harmonious relationship. One of the most beautiful parts of this story comes when man and woman are created (Genesis 1:27, NRSV):

So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

The first man and woman enter into the larger story of God’s purposes for creation without sin, shame, or a sense of Read the rest of this entry »

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Nov 20

Spreading love, sharing hope – Operation Christmas Child

Spreading Love 1Recently we participated in Operation Christmas Child with the help of some very special guests from Laurel United Methodist Church. The children had the opportunity to put together gift boxes for children in various places around the world. We spoke about how this gift might be the first gift some of these children would receive and how we can learn to be grateful with what we have been given, even if we know our lives are far from perfect.

Our guests from Laurel helped sort the many wonderful donations from Intermountain staff, and we were able to assemble 37 boxes! Our friends at Our Redeemer’s Lutheran Church received the boxes and will help with the cost of shipping. Chaplain Chris “tagged” a few of the boxes with special labels available through Operation Christmas Child, so we’ll be able to track where our special gifts end up.

Spreading Love 2While some of our younger children struggled with the concept of assembling a gift for someone they didn’t know, and not getting a gift themselves, most of the children were really able to get into the spirit of giving. We prayed for the children that would be receiving our gifts, and each child took time to write a note of encouragement and friendship to the young person they assembled a gift for.

Isn’t it great to be reminded that even in the midst of very difficult circumstances, we can learn to be grateful and give to others something that might be an encouragement to them? Our children are an encouragement to me daily, and I hope that we can carry ourselves with the same attitude of selflessness and love that they are learning to express during their time at Intermountain.

Spreading Love 3

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Nov 10

A free Advent devotional based on the Chrismon Tree

Christmas TreePerhaps it is still a little early to be thinking of Christmas… BUT, I want to make sure to get these materials into your hands well in advance so you can be prepared for the Christmas season. Advent and the Christmas season can be such a busy time, it can be hard to carve out moments to focus on the true meaning and purpose of all our preparation and celebration! Last year, as part of the effort to design and decorate our first ever “Chaplain’s Tree” for Intermountain’s Festival of Trees, I wrote an advent devotional based on the traditional Chrismons that some Christians and churches use to decorate their trees.

What’s a Chrismon, you ask? A Chrismon is a type of symbol. Chrismons, or “Christ Monograms” are all hung on a tree, the Chrismon Tree. The symbolism can have a significant role in drawing our hearts back to the true meaning of Christmas, if we spend some time focusing on the meaning of those symbols. In fact, the tree itself is also a symbol for the Christmas season, a reminder of the eternal (“ever-green”) truths we celebrate as we recall Jesus’ birth. If you are curious about these connections between the Chrismon symbols and these deeper spiritual truths, I would encourage you to download and print off a copy of the devotional: http://www.intermountainministry.org/resources/ (scroll down until you see the link for “Advent Devotional based on the Chrismon Tree”).

As we enter together into this coming Christmas season, my prayer is that you delve deep into the love God has for you in Jesus Christ. May these devotions warm your heart and feed your soul!

Sincerely,

Chaplain Chris Haughee

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Nov 03

Preparing for the 2nd Chaplain’s Tree at Festival of Trees

Chaplain's Tree 2Fall is always a busy time on the Residential campus at Intermountain. Before we know it, we are making preparations for the holidays. This year’s preparations come with the added excitement of the children’s participation in helping decorate the second-ever Chaplain’s Tree at Intermountain’s Festival of Trees. Good friend and supporter of Intermountain’s Chaplain’s Program, Lisa Lovell-Mattioli, has once again agreed to be the tree designer and coordinate the effort. Chaplain Chris Haughee will work with the children again to prepare dozens of handmade ornaments for the tree. Surrounding the tree will be donated items from local supporters and churches that have expressed excitement about drawing special attention to the spiritual and cultural development of children while they are in residential treatment.

Chaplain's Tree 1Decorations on the tree will be predominantly white and light blue, the “theme colors” of Intermountain’s Festival of Trees this year. The children will be creating beautiful angels out of ribbon and bright snowflakes from painted popsicle sticks as part of their contribution. As the children are learning throughout the fall, the narrative of God’s work in our world abounds with interactions between angels—God’s special messengers—and humankind. More importantly, the children are learning that they, too, are God’s messengers and can carry the good news of God’s love to all. (see: http://www.intermountainministry.org/everywhere-angels/ )

If you have the opportunity to attend this year’s Festival of Trees in Helena, please take time to visit the Chaplain’s Tree and see just how beautifully our children’s creations have made the tree. Every child was given the chance to participate, and we believe that you’ll find even the little imperfections in their creations to be a reminder of the love and grace God shows us and wants us to know during the holiday season. All the money raised by auctioning the Chaplain’s Tree will go right back into the spiritual and cultural education of our children. So, even if you cannot attend, please pray for a wonderful and successful festival and great generosity by the donor that will end up purchasing the Chaplain’s Tree!

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