I’m happy to be able to share my story and about how child abuse impacted me. This first part of my story is something I worked on while I was at Intermountain with the help of my therapist, Meegan. Before I tell you about my past, I want you to know some other things about me first, because I am not just a kid that has been abused. I’m a 13 year old girl from Montana. I’m in 7th grade. I enjoy many things at school especially writing because I can use my imagination. For a time, I lived at Intermountain in Helena. What I like to do for fun is go outside and hangout with my friends. My faith is important to me. My favorite color is lime green. I also enjoy being around animals.
The abuse happened by my dad when I was around three and stopped at the age of six when I was finally removed for good. It was practically almost every year that I got removed from my dad because they didn’t know if I was safe or not. Some people that I did not know picked me up from random places and ask many questions. I dealt with it, but it was hard. I was confused at the time and still am. I’m mad at the fact that I have to wonder why……. Why did he do this, other times I care about him and I’m sad.
Child abuse impacted me by leaving me with worries about if someone is going to hurt me or if they are safe enough. It impacts how I trust people around me. Also it’s hard for me to even connect to people, but it’s easy for people to connect to me. Sometimes I feel if I get close to somebody they’ll leave me and the relationship is ruined. Something that could have helped me then, is if I had somebody else with me other than my dad or if I didn’t go back several times when he continued to abuse me. What helps me now is actually telling my story several times to people and having the support of people I’m close to. While I was at Intermountain, Meegan, my therapist, was one of those people.
I cannot change what happened to me because it’s in the past and it will always affect me no matter what. But I can choose what to do with it. I can go the same route as my dad did, or I can choose the path God wants me to choose. I like being kind hearted and happy and making the right decisions for myself. I choose not to be an abuser, not to carry it on, not to continue the cycle. I want the abuse to stop. I don’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else.
Abuse is part of my story, but not the whole story. Chaplain Chris also asked if I would share a little more… how things have changed for me since I first started sharing about who I am and what I have been through. Like I said before, my faith has been important to me as long as I can remember. I remember opening my heart to God when I was really little—like four or five years old. One thing my dad did do good at was talk to me about church. But, because of my troubles, my childhood experiences affected my faith in God. That’s because while I remember my dad saying things about church, he never wanted to go.
Something that has always helped me has been praying. I pray throughout the day. And not just for myself or when times are hard. I pray a lot for other people. I feel that my prayers go up to God and he hears me. When I pray for something or someone and then what I prayed for gets better or happens, it helps my faith because I feel like God hears me.
Being at Intermountain helped me grow in my faith. It’s important to be somewhere where you can keep learning and growing. Like I said before about being little, I know I was told about God but I didn’t really get it. Coming to Intermountain was a good thing. While I was there, I am glad I didn’t have to do it all on my own. I like that there is chapel, and it has been good to be able to go to church with staff. And the whole time I continued to pray.
Of course, one thing I prayed for was a family. I prayed for myself and I prayed for my friend who needed a family. We both got families, and that makes me happy. Chaplain Chris asked me what has changed most for me since getting my family. I am not sure if there is just one thing that has changed the most. Really, everything has changed in a good way. I think I have a really bright future. I have a great school and a great family. My new family will always be there for me. My parents have told me that now that I am in the family, it’s going to be really hard to get out. They aren’t going to give up on me. But that’s probably not the most important thing.
They chose me. That means so much. Other families I have had to stay with… I didn’t know them, and they didn’t know me. We were just put together for a few months because I needed a place to be. Then, I would move on to someone else. But my new family? They knew me and they chose me. That means the most to me.
Because of what I have been through I feel like I can be a person that overcomes anything. I have taken those quizzes that ask you what your interests are and then suggest a job you’d be good at. My quizzes say I could be anything from a therapist—because I am a good listener and friend—to an astronaut! When I saw that, I had this picture in my mind of doing therapy on the moon. It’s kind of crazy, but I really think I could be and do anything now. God will help show me the path he wants me to take.
As I think about the future and other kids that are at Intermountain or will be coming to Intermountain, my prayer for them would be that they just keep holding on. While I was at Intermountain, I made friends I will always have. Like I said, I have prayed for my friends and they have got families too. I’ll keep praying and I’ll stay in touch. I just wish for them that they would keep holding on.
Thank you for listening to my story,
Sadie Mae
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