A few weeks ago, I had the distinct pleasure of sitting down with Family Outreach’s Family Support Specialist, Jackie Mohler. We met for about 40 minutes in her office at 1212 Helena Avenue, and talked about her experience in working with parents that have kids on the Autism spectrum, and how she coaches them to be advocates for their children in community settings. Family Outreach is on the web at www.familyoutreach.org. If you would like to contact Jackie via email, she can be reached at jmohler@familyoutreach.org.
In a previous post, I promised a “follow up” with a few other insights that I gained from our conversation. Again, I will pose these insights in a question and answer format, and though I am working from my notes and will represent the spirit of the conversation, none of these words should be understood as direct quotes.
Q: What might be a good way for pastors and church leaders to initiate a conversation with a family that has a child with autism, or they suspect the child is on the spectrum but might be afraid to ask?
A: Autism Spectrum is just that—a spectrum, or range of severity and abilities that the child might have. I think the most important thing would be to approach the family from a role of wishing to serve and support as best you can. There may be some families that would take offense, but I can’t think of many, if you simply approached them and asked, “We are so glad to have come to be a part of our church family! What can we do to make you feel at home and help [child’s name] be successful?” In this way, you have opened up the conversation from the position that you are willing to learn from them about their son or daughter, NOT that you have pigeon-holed them or their child and think you know how to handle or tolerate them.
Q: Great point, Jackie! That should be our approach, I would think, with all children. Can you think about things the church might suggest if the parent doesn’t come up with any ideas?
A: Well, in general, it is never a bad idea to think about what will set the child up for success. Consistency and knowing the routine and “landscape” of their world is important to children on the autism spectrum. Suggest that it might be helpful for their family to come into a classroom or worship setting at a time other than when worship or a program is going on. Have them meet with the pastor or teachers that will work with them and “walk through” the rhythm of a regular worship service or class time. If you have a visual schedule that reinforces this practice time. Find the bathrooms and let the child know how and when they will be allowed to use these. Do be aware, however, of making overgeneralized statements that might be confusing.
Q: I am sorry to jump in, Jackie, but could you explain what you mean by that warning?
A: Certainly… What I mean is this: children on the autism spectrum tend to be very black and white thinkers. If you tell them that the bathrooms can only be used after class, they might squirm and fuss because they don’t understand that you would make an exception for a child about to have an “emergency.” Think through your rules and how you convey them. If you tell them they need to raise their hand before they speak, and then you ask them a question and they raise their hand before they answer… well, they are just following your rules! These may seem a little silly for examples, and not every child is the same… but, hopefully you get the idea.
Q: So, here is a potentially sticky issue… what about discipline?
A: Well, when it comes to discipline, what most churches and parents know about discipline in these settings would revolve around “time outs.” This is an awful way to discipline an autistic child. Time outs will sabotage the very behavior you are trying to encourage in the child: greater participation and interaction with the group. A discipline plan with a child who is looking for ways to escape the group needs to be different than that for the child that truly misses the group interaction when in a “time out.” Again, asking mom or dad about what works at home or school is never a bad idea… remember consistency and knowing what to expect are very important! So, if you can utilize techniques that are being employed elsewhere with the child, that reinforces both the technique and its effectiveness.
Q: Well, Jackie, thank you so much for your time… I hope we can do this again sometime!
A: Me too. Thank you for coming. I wish you, and all the families and churches you work with all the best!
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